He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
