I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
