Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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