I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
