so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
