I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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