Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
