i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
