think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
