Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
