He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
