she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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