and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
