Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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