Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
