You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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