Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
