I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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