So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
