I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
