I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
did you just send me my own nude
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
