Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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