Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
