big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
