We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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