You're completely useless in the revolution.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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