Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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