just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
