this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize