Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Drake has all the answers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
