The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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