So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
