Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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