He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
