she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
