How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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