I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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