Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
worst night to have a conscience
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
