is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
