This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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