Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
