Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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