So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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