There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
false alarm. still invincible.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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