I'm jealous of your bromance
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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