I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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