Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
