i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
