i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
