they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
bring money and cleavage
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
