you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
