carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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