fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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