He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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