you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
