be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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