put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize