bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
