highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
