i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
