Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize