Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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