i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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