i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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