Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
